10: Household Management
In this episode, we talk about the mental load and household management. We get into how we each manage our households and what that looks like with our families. We also touch on kids’ chores, activities, and expectations.
For those of you who haven’t heard of or don’t know about the mental load, it’s described as “the often invisible cognitive and emotional labor involved in managing a household and family, including planning, scheduling, and remembering tasks. It's the work of anticipating needs, making decisions, and ensuring everything runs smoothly.”
The mental load is everything you’re carrying in your brain at all times — the dentist appointment you need to book or reschedule, the birthday present for your son’s friend’s birthday even though you’ll be out of town, the groceries for dinner, remembering piano lessons, keeping track of your child’s homework, knowing where literally everything in the house is in case your child/husband can’t find it, remembering to remember… it’s exhausting just listing it.
Family can work together to alleviate some of that stress, though! Sam Kelly refers to these actions as “notice and do”. When members of the household don’t have to be told or asked to do things around the house but rather they notice what needs to be done and do it. The good news is, sharing the mental load is a gift for everyone, not just you! That’s right, delegating is not giving up—it’s letting everyone in the family become capable too.
Dr. Morgan Cutlip defines the mental load as “the running list of all the things that we, as women, do in the home.” This encompasses tasks like managing, organizing, emotional labor, and the constant worry work. It’s often invisible and unacknowledged, leading to feelings of being overwhelmed and unappreciated. Here are a few of her recommended, actionable strategies for sharing the load:
Setting Boundaries: Recognize and communicate your limits to prevent burnout.
Expressing Appreciation: Regularly acknowledge each other’s contributions to foster a supportive environment.
Avoiding Micromanagement: Trust your partner to handle tasks, even if they’re done differently than you would.
Reframing “Asking for Help”: Instead of viewing it as a burden, see it as involving and teaching your partner, leading to shared ownership.
We came up with 5 ways that can help you lighten the mental load!
1. Family Planning Meetings
2. Visible To-Do Lists
3. Delegate Ownership, Not Just Tasks
4. Celebrate Small Wins
5. Model Asking for Help
Remember, you’re not weak for asking for help; you’re wise.
It’s all about having clear expectations vs. something in our head that then leads to a disappointing reality. We aren’t mind readers. If we set the expectation, then really, it shouldn’t be hard for our family to meet them.
Empowered moms empower families!
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