17: Identity Crisis - Birth & Postpartum

In this episode, we are starting a new series all about identity crises. We’ll explore three different phases of life that all involve a shift in who we are as mothers and as women. We are starting with the change that comes when we become mothers, the postpartum phase. The next two episodes we go into when our kids start school and when we become empty nesters (someday for us!)

One question I see asked all the time in my mom groups is: I’m traveling with my kids, what are all your tips and tricks?! I love that we are doing this episode! I have asked a couple of friends who I know travel with kids regularly for some tips so we will share those too!

We are all at different stages and have different experiences, but hopefully, sharing our stories will let you know that you are not alone. Even if we have been through different things, we can empathize with you and support you where you are in your life.

In reality, around 10–20% of mothers experience clinically significant postpartum depression (World Health Organization).

But I think that number is higher, since I happen to know there are cases that go unreported.

Important distinction: PPD is different from “baby blues,” which affects ~80% of mothers but is mild, short-term (2–3 weeks), and self-resolving.

Symptoms of Postpartum Depression

(typically appear within 4 weeks to 1 year postpartum)

• Persistent sadness, hopelessness, or emptiness

• Loss of interest in activities or bonding with baby

• Excessive guilt or feelings of worthlessness

• Fatigue, low energy, sleep disturbances

• Appetite changes (eating too little or too much)

• Difficulty concentrating or making decisions

• Thoughts of harming self or baby (in severe cases)

Postpartum & Birth Resources:

✨ These resources are not a substitute for medical care, but they’re a great place to start if you’re looking for support.

👉 These are also resources we wish we had known about during our own postpartum journeys. You’re not alone. 💛

General Support & Education

• Postpartum Support International (PSI): ⁠www.postpartum.net⁠ – Free resources, peer support, and access to mental health professionals. 📞 Helpline (call or text): 1-800-944-4773 (English & Español)

• The Fourth Trimester Project: ⁠www.newmomhealth.com⁠ – Research-backed info and tools for the first 12 weeks after birth.

• Evidence Based Birth: ⁠www.evidencebasedbirth.com⁠ – Articles, podcasts, and resources on pregnancy, birth, and postpartum care.

Mental Health & Community

• 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline: 988lifeline.org – For immediate mental health support. 📞 Dial or text 988 anytime.

• The Motherhood Center: ⁠www.themotherhoodcenter.com⁠ – Virtual therapy and support groups for pregnancy and postpartum mental health.

• Postpartum Progress: ⁠www.postpartumprogress.com⁠ – Community and resources for postpartum depression, anxiety, and related challenges.

Carly and Kelly share their birth stories in this episode. We are not going to share them on the blog. Both of us experienced a bit of trauma with the birth of our daughters and had smooth births with our sons. This episode gets very personal for us. Please listen to learn more!

SOME STATS: 

• The Pew Research Center (2019) reported 27% of mothers in the U.S. said they quit work or reduced hours because of parenting demands. Women often describe grieving their professional identity during this transition.

• UK research (MIND, 2022) found 1 in 5 new mothers said they felt “always or often lonely” in the first year postpartum.

• Scholars describe postpartum identity as a “biographical disruption” (Bury, 1982; used in maternal health research), requiring active reconstruction of who one is.

• 27% of moms quit or reduce work due to parenting, often grieving their professional identity.

• Up to 50% of PPD cases go undiagnosed or untreated.

Paradoxical World:

“Isn’t it amazing how paradoxical our world is. Learning something new makes you feel dumb before you feel wise. Working out makes you feel weak before you feel strong. Facing fears makes you feel terrified before it makes you brave. In order to heal you have to suffer. And in order to have peace you need chaos. Because life disguises growth as failure and progress as pain but if it feels hard it probably matters because becoming is messy. It breaks who you were to make room for who you’re meant to be. You don’t build strength by feeling powerful, you build it by showing up when you feel powerless. So if you feel tired, uncertain, behind, you might just be in the middle of becoming. That’s exactly where you’re supposed to be.”

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