42: Social Media, The Invisible Influence

The Invisible Influence of Social Media on Your Relationships

We all know social media influences us. It influences what we buy, what we wear, where we want to travel, what we want our houses to look like, and apparently how many new dresses we suddenly think we need. But there’s another kind of influence happening that can be much harder to recognize: the way social media quietly shapes how we see our relationships.

It’s the invisible influence of social media. And the tricky part is that it doesn’t always come from content that looks negative.

Sometimes it’s the opposite.

It’s the sweet parenting reel. The relationship advice. The perfectly organized house. The husband planning an elaborate birthday surprise. The mom creating magical summer activities for her kids. The group of 20 girlfriends celebrating someone’s birthday together. None of those things are inherently bad. In fact, they can be inspiring, helpful, and genuinely fun to watch.

But somewhere between watching and scrolling, a little thought can creep in:

Should I be doing that too?

When Inspiration Turns Into a “Should”

One of the biggest places we notice this happening is motherhood.

You see the reel of a mom walking through a field with her daughter, picking wildflowers and turning them into an adorable craft. Your first thought might be, That is so cute.

And then comes the second thought: I should do more things like that with my kids.

Suddenly, something that was supposed to be sweet has become another item on an already very long mental to-do list.

Social media is full of these little “shoulds.” You should create more memories. You should have themed activity days all summer. You should organize your kids’ rooms this way. Your kids should be doing these chores. You should soak up every second because you “only get 18 summers.”

And sometimes we need to reject the shoulds.

Because maybe your kids are at camp this week because you have to work. Maybe your version of summer memories is ordering pizza and watching a movie together after a long day. Maybe you already have vacations, activities, playdates, camps, work deadlines, and regular life happening.

That counts too.

It’s easy to become so focused on what someone else is doing with their kids that we completely overlook everything we are already doing with ours.

Your summer doesn’t have to be curated. Your motherhood doesn’t need to look like someone else’s Instagram feed. You can take the ideas that genuinely make your life better and leave the ones that simply add more pressure.

Is This Actually Bothering Me—or Did Social Media Tell Me It Should?

That same invisible influence can sneak into our marriages and relationships.

You can be perfectly content with your partner and then scroll past enough relationship content to start wondering whether you should be upset about things you never cared about before.

Should my husband be doing this?

Should that bother me?

Why doesn’t our relationship look like theirs?

And that’s where we have to stop and ask ourselves a really important question: Did this bother me before I saw someone talking about it online?

Because there is a difference between recognizing a genuine problem in your relationship and being repeatedly told that something should be a problem.

Even positive relationship advice often starts with the assumption that something needs fixing. “Here’s how to communicate better with your husband.” Okay—but is our communication actually struggling? “Here’s what a supportive partner should do.” Okay—but do I already feel supported?

Sometimes the answer is yes, and a post gives you language for something you genuinely needed to recognize. That can be incredibly valuable.

But sometimes the answer is no.

Sometimes you put down your phone, look at your actual life, and realize: Wait. My husband is pretty great.

Living with another human being is hard sometimes. People annoy each other. Houses get messy. Kids leave toys everywhere. Dogs shed. Someone inevitably has a habit that drives everyone else crazy. That doesn’t automatically mean something is wrong.

When we spend too much time consuming other people’s versions of relationships, we can start criticizing our own instead of noticing what is already good.

The grass really is greener where you water it.

Even “Positive” Content Can Make Us Feel Bad

This might be one of the biggest realizations for us: content doesn’t have to be negative to negatively affect you.

You can follow an account because you genuinely like the person. You can agree with their message. You can think their advice is helpful. And you can still walk away feeling worse about yourself.

Maybe you follow a parenting expert whose kids have perfectly clean rooms and seemingly flawless routines. Their advice might be great. You may even use some of it successfully in your own home.

But if every time you see their content you find yourself thinking, Why don’t my kids do that? What am I doing wrong?, it’s worth paying attention to that feeling.

The same goes for motherhood, marriage, friendship, business, health, home organization, or anything else.

Not every helpful piece of advice is helpful for you.

We love learning. We love self-improvement. We love hearing from experts and discovering new ways to do things. But constantly being told how to improve can eventually start sending a very different message:

Who you are right now isn’t enough.

And we don’t believe that.

What About Friendship?

Social media can influence how we see our friendships too.

You scroll past someone surrounded by a huge group of friends at her birthday party and suddenly wonder, Wait, where’s my giant friend group?

You see someone posting about the elaborate thing their best friend did for them and wonder whether your friends should be doing that too.

But real friendship doesn’t have to look Instagram-worthy to be meaningful.

Some friendships last a lifetime. Some are incredibly important for a particular season. Some people unexpectedly walk into your life and become exactly the friend you needed at that moment.

Our lives change. Our kids change schools and sports. Careers shift. Families move. New people enter our circles while others naturally become less present.

Instead of using social media as the measuring stick for what friendship is supposed to look like, we can appreciate the people who are actually showing up in our real lives.

There’s something beautiful about remembering that you haven’t even met all of the people who are going to love you in your lifetime.

Your Algorithm Is Paying Attention—So You Should Too

The algorithm is incredibly good at giving us more of what gets our attention.

Pause on one parenting video, and suddenly you have 20 more.

Watch a relationship reel and here comes another one.

Stop scrolling because an influencer is wearing a cute dress and suddenly the internet has decided that your most urgent problem is apparently a severe lack of dresses.

The algorithm doesn’t necessarily know what makes you happy. It knows what keeps you watching.So instead of only paying attention to what you’re consuming, start noticing how you feel after consuming it.

Which accounts make you feel encouraged?

Which make you feel lighter?

Which give you useful information without making you question everything you’re doing?

And which accounts consistently leave you feeling inadequate, critical, overwhelmed, jealous, anxious, or like you need to become a completely different person?

You’re allowed to unfollow them.

Even if they’re popular.

Even if their advice is technically good.

Even if everyone else loves them.

You don't have to continuously consume something that doesn't make your life better.

Turn Down the Noise and Turn Up Your Own Intuition

We have access to more parenting advice, relationship advice, business advice, wellness information, self-help content, and opinions than any generation before us.

There is so much good that comes from that access. We can learn things our parents never had the opportunity to learn. We can find communities of people going through the same things we are. We can hear from experts without ever leaving our homes.

But there can also be such a thing as too much information.

At some point, all that noise can get so loud that it becomes harder to hear your own voice.

That’s when we have to come back to ourselves.

Trust your gut. Trust your intuition. Trust your mom-tuition. Take the advice that genuinely serves you and leave the rest. You don't have to implement every parenting hack, relationship strategy, morning routine, friendship rule, or life-changing system that lands in your feed.

And maybe the next time something online makes you question your motherhood, your marriage, your friendships, or your life, ask yourself:

Is this actually something I believe—or have I just seen it enough times that it started to feel true?

And perhaps the biggest question of all:

Are these standards actually mine, or did Instagram give them to me?

Social media can inspire us, educate us, connect us, and introduce us to genuinely wonderful ideas. We don't have to get rid of all of it. We just need to become more discerning about which voices we allow to become louder than our own.

Remember what matters to you. Notice what's already good. Give yourself permission to scroll past the things that make you feel like you aren't doing enough.

Because chances are, you're already doing so much more than you're giving yourself credit for.

And in case no one told you today: You Handled That Perfectly®.

Questions for our listeners

• Have you ever seen something online that made you rethink a relationship?

• What's a parenting trend online that made you feel pressure?

• Have you ever realized an opinion wasn't really yours—it came from repeated exposure online?

• What accounts make you feel better about your life versus worse?

• How do you know when you're being inspired versus influenced?

• Are My Standards Mine or Did Instagram Give Them to Me?